I dreamed I could dream

I dreamed I wasn't the only one, but that other people shared of similar dreams to mine. For years, many dreams stayed asleep in some corner of my heart. I dreamed that feeling of incompleteness one day would pass. And it passed.

I dreamed through some books and one of them joined two dreamers. Together they dreamed and lived.

They dreamed they could dream together. They dreamed the true friendship could exist and neither the distance could be able to separate two soul-mates. Although it hasn't evolved besides a friendship, even if because it was impossible their love to become carnal, she was his soul-mate during some years.

They dreamed they could dream even if reality was hard. They knew that when things started to get hard, they could count on each other because they dreamed they could be themselves, without modesty, without fears. They dreamed they could be human, they could make mistakes, they could laugh and cry. They dreamed they could be free to dream and to love.

They dreamed together when they rediscovered old songs and shared all the feelings they felt when listening to them. They dreamed when sharing together their memories, their history, their nostalgia. They dreamed together they could share their wishes. They dreamed together by appreciating art, architecture and decoration. They dreamed of unconditional love. They dreamed they would be stuck for ever and that their friendship were the truer, the more intense they have ever had even by distance. They dreamed they could trust on each other by opening their hearts in the most pure and sincere way.

They dreamed they could dream. They dreamed that the other would have always a palette to color the gray days. They dreamed the other would have always warm words of hope to the coldness of the world. They dreamed they would have always a shelter to the horror of the unpleasant truth. They dreamed love was the most powerful might of the universe and that it by itself was already enough.

But that period of stagnation of horror changed the things and little by little they were getting away from each other. And then, everything changed.

Dreaming became ridiculous, pathetic and all that you trusted was analyzed, judged and used against you.

No, you can't dream anymore. You can't anymore to tell and ask no one the other how was your day; nobody wants to know about your boring life. No, you can't anymore have fears and weaknesses. Suffocate yourself! Keep your problems to you because nobody wants to know about them and nobody is guilty if you are coward and weak. If you are sad, keep your sadness to you because nobody likes negative people and is obligated to help you. No, friendships isn't for the bad times, but only for the good ones. Please, be a nice person because I'm not obligated to tolerate or accept your imperfections. No, you are no longer to be free to be yourself; please, either you add positive things to my life, or leave me. No, I won't miss you and I don't want to know about you anymore, goodbye and be happy.

I dreamed I could trust. I dreamed I could be me, without fears, without shame and be loved and accepted anyway. I dreamed I could dream.

What's happening to Brazil?

The world might be flabbergasted about the protests that have been occurring in Brazil in the recent days. How is it possible during the FIFA Confederations Cup that people are not adorning their homes and streets with green and yellow to support the Brazilian National Football Team?

The problem is that Brazil has been just like this: keeping the image of the “glad fool” for the world. Hardly we have another image different from the “Football Nation”, pretty women and samba having always that marvelous Rio de Janeiro as a post card.

(No, we are not happy as in this FIAT ad shows)

The reason of the popular uprising wasn't just the increase of the bus fares in the city of São Paulo, but also all the money spent to organize the FIFA's Confederations and World Cup, besides a succession of absurd political decisions.

The Brazilian people were (and they still are) tired. People was not consulted if they wanted to host the FIFA mega events as well as the Olympics. Initially, the federal government had said that the fund money would come from private funds but, it ended up paying the major part of the football venues and infrastructure works. It was spent billions of reais (for more precise numbers, please search over the internet) in theses works while the investments in public education, health and security were minimum. During the construction works, government has approved several laws for them to fit the FIFA exigences. Besides they got late, many of the infrastructure ones barely were finish and even came out from the project. As all of this wasn't enough, several poor families who lived close to the football venues were forced to leave their homes. And finally, TV ads and the biggest TV broadcaster of Brazil asked the people to positively impress the foreign tourists, it means, for FIFA the government did all they could and for Brazilians, they barely did something.

Differently of the fake image that Brazil tries to sell as if everybody was smiling and happy, the truth is completely different. Brazilian aren't necessarily depressive, but they do suffer, it doesn't matter if they are poor or “rich” (as the middle class is usually classed). They suffer at the chaotic traffic spending about 2 or 3 hours per day at their cars or at a crowded and abusively expensive traffic mean of transportation. They suffer face to criminality having to jail themselves behind high walls. They suffer with a precarious public education were the teachers are receive low salaries, the same we can say of the public health were doctors and hospital rooms are not enough and so people crowd the hospital corridors. Who can pay for it, pay a high price and who can't suffers by having to use the public services.

The government argues that there isn't money to invest in these services, but how could they fund the coasts of the FIFA events, for example? Brazilian pay high taxes for every little thing. Money is something that we don't are in need, but the problem is that it is concentrated in the hands of very few people and it is traditionally stolen and poorly invested by our corrupt politicians.

The fact is that the Brazilian people has finally “waken up”. A people that formerly held on passively all the absurd and limited themselves to complain on Facebook and Twitter is now coming out from their computers and going to the streets.

It doesn't mean, of course, that a revolution is about to happen. What the Brazilians want are not the spotlights of the world for hosting the World Cup or having a powerful economy, but they are demanding quality of life and political seriousness.

Unfortunately, there's a big chance of the protests not succeed (just like in Syria that is experiencing a war for over 2 years). We are living in a atmosphere of political polarization, what's not good for the people. Although few Brazilian are politically engaged, they had batter to leave their passions aside and analyze the political background more rationally. It doesn't matter if president Dilma Rousseff was booed or if José Serra was hit by a paper ball. Neither PSDB nor PT, not even any political party have being work seriously for the political moralization and the fight against corruption. What we have seen, for decades, was a merely political war were politicians seem to concern mainly about party loyalty issues and electoral rules, and they also unite themselves to raise their own salary and benefits (that are many) while an ordinary worker has to make miracles with a salary of US$ 2,000 or less having to pay for their housing, food and transportation. And the laws for the people? And when they decided to vote for something related to people, the laws are those written by the religious parties concerned in pursuing homosexuals and obligate them to hide again in their ghettos in order not to shock the intolerant ones that feel offended by others' happiness.

Anyway, the problems of Brazil are many and extremely complex. If people didn't keep engaged into politics in a less passionate way and more rational, and if they don't protest always something absurd is voted, this national mobilization may be in vain. And the more important, it can't be summed up in a childish war between suffering poor people against the evil middle class, but it have to be a fight for rights of everyone, it doesn't matter their social class, color of their skin, religion, sexuality or whatever.

Conceptions of forgiveness

The dictionaries bring us the meanings of the words, but the conceptions varies from person to person, from culture to culture. People have different views about everything that involves people's feelings, beliefs and expectations. For example, for some people it's ok to be cheated as long as you love and feel loved by the cheater, while it's unforgiving for others.

This is a text about forgiveness.

Some people treat the gesture of forgiving as something banal because “forgiving sets one free”. Ok, sometimes it does but should we understand that forgiving is something with no value? Of course not! The one who forgives as he says “good morning” should not be surprised for being fooled all the time by everyone.

On the other hand, we have to ponder because we also can' t think that forgiving is something too precious. We have to pay close attention if we are not being bitter or too hard. Everybody will have a bruised ego in some moment of life so, get mature, try to understand that people are not perfect and they fail.

And then we finally face that (rare) moment when someone asks you to forgive whatever wrong they did. What to do?

Here people applies what they feel, not exactly what they say or understand as “right”. Everyone knows the intensity of the pain they felt. What really hurts someone, may not even bother another one, so people should try to have some empathy and being understanding. This is hard! At the same time people should have the tact to deal with others, they have to be mature to recognized when they behaved as someone selfish and immature.

It's unforgiving mean to hurt and being blind to recognized how you was evil. It's also unforgiving playing with the feelings of the people that really like you and you know it, and as long as you know it, you play with them because you enjoy being sadistic.

And sometimes, there's no need to say “I forgive you”. Some people don't deserve the decency of being told that. People did forgive without saying a word, but they want to be far from the one who did something evil. That's why some rapprochements never have an answer.

And the fact that it doesn't have an answer doesn't mean that hurt one is still resentful. Not exactly. There are some stories that will never go ahead because they get always stuck on the same fights, the same jokes of a spoiled child. And of course people change, just like their thoughts, their attitudes, their passions and what they liked in the past, they may not like anymore today or in the future.

And finally, never expect to restore a situation when someone forgives you. People may forget your words, but they'll never forget how you made them feel, specially if once they liked you and the saw deep in your eyes that you did mean to hurt to please your selfish desire of being adored as a god.

ALANIS MORISSETTE – Win and Win

Seach for freedom

You were in peace while the world was in a war. Both armies wanted you to join one of them. Flags everywhere. Someone pushes you to raise a flag ‘cause raising a flag is cool and a symbol of commitment to causes that will change the world! If you don’t raise a flag, the world will get upside down just because of your cowardice and egoism. Then your conscience pushes you to raise a flag and finally you raise a flag.

But there are too many flags to raise, to many causes to fight for. The war never ends and you get frequently angry about everything and everyone. It’s tiring to be in a war. Whatever this war is.

Peace starts upon you. Maybe this is the prophylaxis for any problem that may come. If you are in peace, why would you fight, why you get old and stressed unnecessarily? Some people are so good, so concerned in doing the good for other people that they sacrifice their peace for then and sometimes, they sacrifice themselves; their beliefs, their views, their hope in people and humanity. That’s the time when another war starts, a harder on: within you!

And then you may think that you are being selfish, but this is nothing but a measure of self-love and self-protection. Why would you sacrifice your short life for people that don’t even recognize the efforts you did? Soldiers die in vain and people are fighting and getting enemies of each other just because they have different views.

Does it worth to fight for a cause that’s not yours just because you are pushed to raise flag? Does it worth to sacrifice your peace for things you weren’t used to care, but you felt the necessity of changing the world because this act became a motto on the online young generation? Does it worth to discolor what’s colored just because someone told you the colors weren’t real? Does it worth being so aggressive and incisive all the time even with people that used to love you?

You got lost!

You got lost in the moment you started trying to impress people you didn’t even know and like. You wanted to find love by changing and hiding your essence to please others and then perhaps you could be happier. Can you see you relied your happiness upon a Savior? You weren’t yourself and you felt imprisoned all the time, constantly angry, constantly confused, constantly alone and performatic.

Set yourself free and fight for find peace for you. And finally your life may get better. Be humble to recognize and accept your mistakes and imperfections. Stop behaving like a fool that believes in everything and everyone or the opposite; a person who doesn’t believe in anything more. Start accepting yourself and mainly, loving yourself.

When you are in peace with yourself, when you don’t expect anything more and is willing to live the day in a simple way instead of having an amazing, incredible, breathtaking day performatic day, you may discover the true meaning of peace of spirit. And peace of spirit is the best feeling one can feel; all the others come behind.

NOTE: The correct name of the song above is “Someday”.

The one once I was

Wrote one, wrote two, wrote three, wrote four. All the texts were to the garbage can. What to talk about then? Maybe a small note is enough to mask the laziness because it stimulates the exercising of thinking and reading the between lines. Better texts I have when I'm taking a shower or trying to sleep but when I come here, the white seems to vanish with all my thoughts.

I was trying to write about becoming someone once I was. Not in a nostalgic way, but remembering good traces of my personality that I had lost someway, somehow and how it made me feel sick. Summarizing, there are people that appear in our lives to suck the best of us and we start to become negative and evil as they are. Then we must shake ourselves to wake up from this real nightmare. It's essential for us to learn with our mistakes and keep in mind that every single one is the only one who can write his own fate. While we don't learn it, we are likely to live unpleasant situations frequently.

But I'm not willing to talk about bad things, love and any suffering issue because it sucks and I'm already tired of it. I always knew that life isn't easy and fair, but it doesn't make it less pretty. Life is gift, don't want to waste it looking for Saviors. Save yourself first respecting you and the people around. Avoid everything that makes you feel bad. With the lemons you have, make a lemonade. These are the advices I would like to give to you.

And I'll start to keep my thoughts and feeling on my mind and maybe someday I leak some of them, disguised through the between lines of my texts. I can't assure anything because I'm not forever the same.