The obvious non-proved

If I could foresee the outcome of the obvious non-proved, I would get less stressed than the usual.

No dog barking, no child crying, no woman yelling. There is peace at 4am and ideas take shape when the lead pencil slides on the paper without so many interruptions caused by hesitations.

The boy wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up. He did grow up and he was not a boy anymore but not yet a man. In an ordinary day, he was noticed about a voyage to the Moon by Twitter. He decided to know more about, to let the organizers know, showing he was interested.

In the begging, his e-mails used to be answered but after some time, he stayed in the vacuum – not in the vacuum of the Space. The inbox remained empty. One month later, when researching about this promotion over Google, he found out that the space shuttle had already gone. He felt two different feelings at the same time: relief of finally knowing the outcome of the promotion, but unhappiness of not being selected.

Since then, his head, that had already been busy with anxiety due to not have any reply during this one month, reserved some space to more doubts enemies of the peace of spirit: where did I go wrong? Have I lost so many time beating around the bush due to my necessity of having the total control of the things? Should I had gone straight to the point? Was not me good enough for the voyage? Was not the voyage good enough for me?

Now he could only theorize. What if...? Perhaps... Ellipsis... Perhaps this was not the time and I should wait for one more opportunity... opportunity that does not appear any time. Perhaps it would have been better and I would have spared myself from something unpleasant. Perhaps I did lose the chance of stepping on the Moon, and check if it is made of cheese. Emmental or gruyère?

Now the space shuttle had already gone and all the man-boy could do was to accept the facts and choose to either chew his doubts or swallow them at all. Perhaps the voyage was one more of his desires, but are a necessity and a desire just frivolous wishes? Perhaps the crew of the shuttle will have a unique, wonderful, unforgettable experience and the man who wished to become an astronaut will never have. Or perhaps they are going to meet the Death by being devoured by the Sun.

If I could foresee the outcome of the obvious non-proved, I would get less stressed than the usual.

Chicken pox

There is the wish of understanding... or shutting up.

It was not a metaphor. It was just a narrative of how is being sick. Narrating the fact is something mechanical. Metaphors exercise the brain, develop creativity, instigate curiosity. The implicit can be more exciting than the explicit.

Writing relieves. It is a way to get rid of what makes us restive. A lot of times it helps more than a transparent conversation. We talk to ourselves. We are not naive to believe that an agreement head move means that there is empathy or total comprehension. There is the wish of understanding... or shutting up. It is a monologue and only us are those who can understand it.

Screaming is unhelpful because everybody screams at the same time than you. When you throw a flare to the sky, you get disappoint when you know you have done this on January 1st at the midnight. There is a hope that someone notices your S.O.S. signal within the tsunami of egocentric and worthless information. Do not count on it.

We should be sleeping, we have an appointment tomorrow morning, but we are here hearing about a horse race on snow at BandNews while we write. The stomach complains of hungry. We neither have the desire of sleeping nor the worry of being tired all day long. We do not have the desire of waking up when we are sleeping as well.

There are some things we do not like to talk about, neither to show, but we would like people to notice them. Once more anxiety drives us to bad mood. We are waiting for an answer that never comes. We are wondering about what they really want and why that person who used to be kind, polite and receptive turned into a mute one who ignores our presence.

It will not last forever, we know. The slash on my finger will heal itself and the stress will die down. We are begging some respect and attention just like everybody. We want to get rid from this evil-minded people. We want our freedom, time and friends back. We want to feel the heat of the Sun, the wind, the rain, the cold again. We want to live one more time and feel sincerely happy. Where is that smile that used to be upon our faces?

THE SMITHS - How Soon Is Now